Many people view weddings as a mini family reunion. It’s a time when everyone gathers together in celebration and that usually includes kids.
Having children at a wedding is pretty much expected. It is traditionally how it is done and almost everyone includes children as part of the actually wedding ceremony. The flower girls and ring bearers are usually under ten years old.
So, why aren’t we having children at our wedding?
Well, actually, we will. We already have two sons and of course they will be included in our ceremony. They are a major part of our lives and it would just be wrong not to include them. But honestly, if they weren’t fruit from my womb they wouldn’t be getting a pass either.
As harsh as it may seem there are a several legitimate reasons not to have children at your wedding. I am going to go over a few of the biggest arguments against kids at weddings.
They don’t care about your wedding.
Let’s be real for a second. No eight year old really cares about the sanctity of marriage. They don’t know what that means and they don’t understand the importance of the ceremony. Perhaps an eight year old can sit through a half hour ceremony quietly and pay dutiful attention as you exchange beautifully worded vows and perform a sand ceremony but – they probably can’t.
The chances are pretty good that they will get bored and they may be loud or otherwise disruptive during a special moment that took months of careful planning and probably a good amount of money to achieve.
Parents will be parents.
As a parent, I know that when I’m out with my children and they start trying to misbehave or get rowdy I am on them. When I’m around my kids in public I’m busy parenting them. It is definitely difficult to relax when you have small children because there are so many things they can get into, get up to, and if you turn your back a second too long they’ll be lost forever.
Most parents are that way and as such won’t be able to fully let their parent powers rest. They will be focused on their kids. It’s not a bad thing but we would like to give our guests the opportunity for a night off to just relax and have fun. With the kids safely at home with a sitter they can do just that.
They’re picky eaters.
I was blessed/cursed with kids who will eat anything but from what I gather from friends that is not the norm. Kids have finicky palates and sometimes refuse to eat things they ate just fine the day before.
That being said, if you’ve done any amount of reception venue searching you have discovered that they charge per guest. More specifically, they charge per plate/chair. They don’t care if the butt in the chair belongs to an adult or a kid. Some places offer a discounted price for kids but my point is – you have to pay for food for them and there is a bigger chance that food will go to waste.
Our wedding is a very intimate 50 guests. If we had invited the children of our guests, the number would be much higher and so would the cost. Many of our friends and family have four or more children. That would quickly take our wedding past a budget that we could handle.
Weddings don’t have to be expensive but the truth is most of them are. Having a smaller guest list is one of the easiest ways to stay on budget.
It’s important to note that when I say “children” I mean kids under 16 or so. If you’re like us and contemplating whether or not to invite children to your wedding use your own discretion to decide what age is appropriate.
A 13-year-old girl may have interest in weddings and be able to sit through and generally not be any bother but its more likely that a 13-year-old boy would be bored and uninterested in all this sappy business.
Take care though, if you allow one 13-year-old but not another feelings may be hurt. It’s probably best to use a one size fits all mentality. Either kids or no kids.
Have it your way.
The decision is ultimately a personal one. Sometimes it doesn’t sit well with everyone. Some parents don’t want a “night off” from their children or are otherwise offended that you think their child may disrupt your wedding. Others simply find it too nontraditional not to include kids.
If you choose not to include children there is a chance that some people won’t come to your wedding. With enough notice, childcare shouldn’t be a problem but some parents may bow out if they feel their children aren’t welcome.
It is something to think about but of course the choice belongs to the people getting married.We decided that since we wanted to keep our wedding small and intimate we would only ask the adults to join us.
What do you think about kids at weddings? Is it better to invite entire families to avoid hurt feelings or is it okay to let the adults have fun? Did you or would you have an adults only wedding?